grub vs. grub

I've wrestled with the perfect order at White Castle restaurants for decades. How many burgers? What condiments? Drive-through or counter? After eating hundreds of them and paying the price for often foolish quantities and whimsical customizations, I finally peformed my own patty-to-patty taste test. Sitting just a few feet from the griddle, I tried every condiment combination on top of the de rigueur pickles and rehydrated onions that make the 100 percent, pure beef burgers such a delicacy. The essential four serving styles are: plain, with ketchup, with mustard, and with ketchup and mustard. Add cheese to the mix and, for better or worse, that's four more varieties.

The results:

Plain TASTE: PRESENTATION: AMBIENCE: True to the original White Castle 1920s serving-style, the taste is exquisite.	Ketchup TASTE: PRESENTATION: AMBIENCE: Ketchup, even a small quanity, overwhelms the magic of the meat and leaves a mundane aftertaste.	Mustard TASTE: PRESENTATION: AMBIENCE: The Dusseldorf mustard is interesting and adds some zing but it's just a novelty. Unless you're German.	Kethcup and mustard TASTE: PRESENTATION: AMBIENCE: The premade mustard-ketchup mix is clever but much too flavorful for the one-ounce patty.
Plain, cheese TASTE: PRESENTATION: AMBIENCE: Added just before serving, the cheese is room temperature. Looks good but it's a bland if not pointless addition.	Ketchup, cheese TASTE: PRESENTATION: AMBIENCE: Foul. 'Nuff said.	Mustard, cheese TASTE: PRESENTATION: AMBIENCE: The mustard mercifully masks the waxiness of the cheese but it's still not worth the stomach-space.	Ketchup, mustard and cheese TASTE: NR PRESENTATION: AMBIENCE: When bathroom graffiti arists write, "Flush twice, it's a long way to White Castle," this is why.